One is not better than the other!

-Written by Colette Wild

     I recently attended a friend's beautiful birth which caused me to look inside myself as a woman, a new mother and a doula. It was the first homebirth and HypnoBirth that I had attended since my own in January. I was thrilled at the opportunity to be present.

     The moment I walked into my friend’s home I felt the strong sense of peace and relaxation mixed with the quiet excitement and anticipation of welcoming a new life. I watched as the mother labored, her concentration deep and quiet. I could see her confidence in her own body to do what it had to do. She changed positions in the birth pool every ten minutes or so, all the while keeping her eyes closed. It was like witnessing a secret conversation between mother and baby. Towards the end, she started whispering to her baby aloud, gentle and encouraging, telling her baby what a good job she was doing. It was so incredibly intimate.

    When I got home, in the early hours of the morning,  I could not get my mind to stop spinning as I layed in bed. I relived the whole birth again, completely mesmerized by it all. Before long, my brain went somewhere it shouldn’t have. I started comparing it with my own birth experience. I thought why couldn’t I be that quiet? Why wasn’t I that confident in labor? Why didn’t I decide to catch my own baby?

And then I stopped myself.

     The real question was: why was I comparing my unique birth with someone else’s unique birth?!

     It wasn't long before I realized I was downplaying my experience just because it was different than my friend's. My daughter's birth too was perfect in its own way. Awesome actually, but different! Just because I felt the need to moan during a hard contraction didn’t mean I was less strong or brave. Just because I didn’t have a waterbirth or catch my own baby didn’t mean my birth was less beautiful or that I was any less of a woman!

We are all going to birth different because we are different. 

     Our birth preferences are totally unique to ourselves and our situations. One is not better than the other! I had to remind my new mom self that the same applies to me. My daughter's birth was beautiful too!

     I also had to remind myself that I was (and am!) a first time mom. Despite attending births as a doula, I had never actually experienced labor quite like I did the day my daughter was born. 

     With my new experience, I have learned that it's OK to not know EXACTLY what we want the first time around... and even if we do, it's also OK if it doesn't unfold that way! We don't need to be beating ourselves up about our births! Instead, we need to be proud of our amazing body! We need to be proud of our incredible babies and proud of what we went through in order to hold our sweet angels for the first time! 

    Whether it was surprise cesarean section or a planned one, a planned natural birth or a surprise one, you worked hard and deserve to be proud of yourself! You are an amazing mother no matter the way you give birth! Just remember, no matter how your birth preferences may be different from your mother’s, sister’s, or friend’s, if you listen to your body and your baby, it will be just right for you! 

Colette is a certified doula with MotherBirth. She enjoys helping families discover the fulfillment and joy of natural birth. The homebirths of her two siblings and her own daughter greatly influenced her passion for the respect of women and the body's natural ability to give birth. Her goal as a doula is to help mothers gain the knowledge and confidence they need to have a happy, healthy and peaceful birth.